Fast forward 6 years later and many things have changed but not all. I was saved at 19 and moved a couple hours north. I got a job, found a church and made new friends. I began pursuing a career at 19 while being heavily involved in the churches youth group. Around 20 or 21, God called me to full time ministry. I didn’t know what that meant at the time, but I knew all I wanted to do was serve the Lord. Meanwhile I was jumping from job to job trying to find a place I could move up. I wanted to grow up and be a man who could take care of himself. At about 22, God called me to be a preacher/pastor. With this new found desire, I started to pursue this call. I packed my my bags at 23, moved to Virginia and started attending Liberty University looking to receive my B.A. in Biblical Studies. Long story short, I never finished my degree there. This marks sort of a wilderness experience for me. I went to Bible college to pursue Gods calling on my life. But I left in disobedience because I wanted to live a lazy life indulging in my own sin. Shortly after leaving LU, I moved to NYC to take a great job. My plan was to settle down up there and maybe be in ministry one day. But God wouldn’t let me go. He began to shake my world until I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I knew I was being disobedient and I needed to repent. So I moved back to Florida and got involved in a local church plant. I enrolled in Community College and started serving faithfully in the church.

I am now a full-time student and hold the in house coordinator position in the church. God has made me a rotating preacher and I may be starting seminary classes in January at RTS (Reformed Theological Seminary). I still struggle with laziness and wasting time, but I am learning each day what it means to redeem my time.

To God Alone Be The Glory!

How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? -Proverbs 6:9
The sluggard’s craving will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work. -Proverbs 21:25
A little sleep, a little slumber, little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man. -Proverbs 24: 33-34

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God. For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.

It has been granted to us (believers in Jesus Christ) to suffer for His name sake. This is clear from the text. I know that we all suffer each day with a mess of different things. We suffer in people treating us badly because we preached to them the gospel. We suffer in denying our flesh it’s sinful desires. There are plenty of ways we can and do suffer for knowing and living for Jesus. But are we ready to suffer physically? I mean true physical persecution? The time is coming, if not already here, where true Christians will suffer and even die for being Christians. Not that it’s not happening already in the rest of the world. But I am talking specifically of America, our country.The great nation where tolerance and equal rights are fought for mightily. They will lock us up in cages and cause true physical suffering for those who claim Christ. What should our attitude be when this happens?

Philippians 1: 12-14

I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear.

Our suffering is to serve in advancing the gospel. God’s glorious message of His glory.

Colossians 1: 24

“Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church…”

We know that Christ’s sacrifice was perfect. We do not add anything to the cross of our Lord. So what does Paul mean by “…filling up what is lacking…”? What Paul means is the presentation of the suffering to the world. Jesus’ sacrifice was perfect and complete. But people need to hear about it and see it in action. Suffering for Christ helps to fill up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions. Namely, the presentation to other people of the gospel.

1 Thessalonians 1: 6-7

And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia.

Worshiping the Lord in the midst of trials and sufferings, makes God look glorious! Because we praise Him for being God, not as the magical sky fairy who gives us what we want if we’re good. The world needs to see Jesus as more than a santa clause of sorts. They need to see Him as He truly is, King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

This will be the reason of our suffering. Soli Deo Gloria!

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. -Jn 6:63

It is God who reveals the gospel to us through his spirit. If we count on our flesh to bring us salvation we completely avoid the gospel all together and we end up as either religious, moralistic, legalists on one side, or irreligious, hedonist, pacifist, relativists on the other.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. -Jn 1:14

II. The Gospel is Not Moralism/Legalism |The Religious

• They say, “I am more acceptable to God because of my accomplishments.”
• They believe a moral person derives his/her rules for morality from a holy God so, this way of living will lead to 1 of 2 things:

a) Self-Hatred because our flesh cannot obtain Gods requirements for holiness

b) Self-Worship because you think that through your own hard work have obtained the requirements for holiness

• Reality is, being this religious will never bring you to full joy and worship of Christ because you are too busy being happy when you feel like you’ve done good and too sad when you feel like you’ve done wrong, you are too busy worshiping yourself to even consider Christ and His gospel.

III. The Gospel is Not Relativism | The Irreligious

• They say, “God, if he exists, is accepting of whatever is truth to you.”
• They believe that everyone should determine what right and wrong is for them.
• They cannot believe that God is just and wrath comes with that justice, everyone goes to heaven, because 1 Jn 4:8 and 4:16 are the only two verses of the bible that they know. “God is Love and only Love”
• You might ask this person “What did that love cost your God?”

IV. The Gospel Is Not Only The Beginning

For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. -1 Cor. 4:15

O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? -Gal 3:1-3

…Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you, as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing—as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth. -1 Col. 1:5-6

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. -Phil 1:6

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. -Phil 4:12-13

If we apply the gospel, Christ crucified, to everything in our life then we can be like this. High or low, rich or poor, if the Gospel is central than our joy can be eternal because His sufficient Grace through the gospel is eternal.

Though repentance is the act of man—yet it is the gift of God. It requires the same power to melt the heart—as to make it. As we are deeply fallen from a state of innocence, so we should rise to a state of penitence. Those sins shall never make a hell for us—which are a hell to us. Some people have sin enough for all their sorrows—but not sorrow enough for all their sins. Their eyes are windows to let in lusts—when they should be flood-gates to pour out tears!

When godly sorrow takes possession of the house—it will quickly shut sin out of doors. There must be a falling out with our lusts—before there can be a genuine falling off from our lusts. There must be a sincere loathing of sin in our affections—before a true leaving of sin in our actions. It is a hearty mourning for our transgressions, which makes way for a happy funeral of our corruptions!

Sinner, you have filled the book of God with your sins—and will you not fill the bottle of God with your tears? Remember, that when Christ draws the likeness of the new creature, His first brush is dipped in water: “Unless you repent—you shall all likewise perish!” Is it not better to repent without perishing—than to perish without repenting? Godly sorrow is such a grace, that without it—not a soul shall be saved; and with it—not a soul shall be lost! Is it not therefore better to swim in the water-works of godly repentance—than to burn in the fire-works of divine vengeance? Do not think that the tears which are shed in hell—will in the least abate the torments which are suffered in hell!

He who lives in sin, without repentance—shall die in sin, without forgiveness. There is no coming to the fair haven of glory—without sailing through the narrow strait of repentance. We must mourn for sin on earth—or burn for sin in hell! It is better traveling to heaven sadly—than to hell merrily!

It is the coldness of our hearts—which kindles the fire of God’s anger. “They will look on Me whom they have pierced—and shall mourn!” Zechariah 12:10. Christians! The nails which pierced Christ’s hands—should now pierce your hearts! You should now be deeply wounded with godly sorrow—for having so deeply wounded Him with your ungodly sins!

– (William Secker, “The Consistent Christian” 1660)

It is not enough to reply, “I belong to the church; I suppose I’m a Christian.” Thousands of nominal Christians show none of the signs of being born again which the Scriptures have given us—many listed in the First Epistle of John.

No Habitual Sinning

First of all, John wrote: “Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin” (I John 3:9). “Whosoever is born of God sinneth not” (5:18).

A person who has been born again, or regenerated, does not habitually commit sin. He no longer sins with his heart and will and whole inclination. There was probably a time when he did not think about whether his actions were sinful or not, and he did not always feel grieved after doing evil. There was no quarrel between him and sin; they were friends. But the true Christian hates sin, flees from it, fights against it, considers it his greatest plague, resents the burden of its presence, mourns when he falls under its influence, and longs to be completely delivered from it. Sin no longer pleases him, nor is it even a matter of indifference to him; it has become a horrible thing which he hates. However, he cannot eliminate its presence within him.

If he said that he had no sin, he would be lying (I John 1:8). But he can say that he hates sin and that the great desire of his soul is not to commit sin at all. He cannot prevent bad thoughts from entering his mind, or shortcomings, omissions, and defects from appealing in both his words and his actions. He knows that “in many things we offend all” (James 3:2). But he can truly say, in the sight of God, that these things cause him grief and sorrow and that his whole nature does not consent to them. What would the apostle say about you? Are you born again?

Believing in Christ

Second, John wrote: “Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God” (I John 5:1).

A man who is born again, or regenerated, believes that Jesus Christ is the only Saviour who can pardon his soul, that He is the divine person appointed by God the Father for this very purpose, and beside Him there is no Saviour at all. In himself he sees nothing but unworthiness. But he has full confidence in Christ, and trusting in Him, he believes that his sins are all forgiven. He believes that, because he has accepted Christ’s finished work and death on the cross, he is considered righteous in God’s sight, and he may look forward to death and judgment without alarm.

He may have fears and doubts. He may sometimes tell you that he feels as if he had no faith at all. But ask him if he is willing to trust in anything instead of Christ, and see what he will say. Ask him if he will rest his hope of eternal life on his own goodness, his own works, his prayers, his minister, or his church, and listen to his reply. What would the apostle say about you? Are you born again?

Practicing Righteousness

Third, John wrote: “Every one that doeth righteousness is born of Him” (I John 2:29).

The man who is born again, or regenerated, is a holy man. He endeavors to live according to God’s will, to do the things that please God and to avoid the things that God hates. He wishes to continually look to Christ as his example as well as his Saviour and to prove himself to be Christ’s friend by doing whatever He commands. He knows he is not perfect. He is painfully aware of his indwelling corruption. He finds an evil principle within himself that is constantly warring against grace and trying to draw him away from God. But he does not consent to it, though he cannot prevent its presence.

Though he may sometimes feel so low that he questions whether or not he is a Christian at all, he will be able to say with John Newton, “I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am.” What would the apostle say about you? Are you born again?

Loving Other Christians

Fourth, John wrote: “We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren” (I John 3:14).

A man who is born again has a special love for all true disciples of Christ. Like his Father in heaven, he loves all men with a great general love, but he has a special love for those who share his faith in Christ. Like his Lord and Saviour, he loves the worst of sinners and could weep over them; but he has a peculiar love for those who are believers. He is never so much at home as when he is in their company.

He feels they are all members of the same family. They are his fellow soldiers, fighting against the same enemy. They are his fellow travelers, journeying along the same road. He understands them, and they understand him. They may be very different from himself in many ways—in rank, in station and in wealth. But that does not matter. They are his Father’s sons and daughters and he cannot help loving them. What would the apostle say about you? Are you born again?

Overcoming the World

Fifth, John wrote: “Whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world” (I John 5:4).

A man who is born again does not use the world’s opinion as his standard of right and wrong. He does not mind going against the world’s ways, ideas and customs. What men think or say no longer concerns him. He overcomes the love of the world. He finds no pleasure in things which seem to bring happiness to most people. To him they seem foolish and unworthy of an immortal being.

He loves God’s praise more than man’s praise. He fears offending God more than offending man. It is unimportant to him whether he is blamed or praised; his first aim is to please God. What would the apostle say about you? Are you born again?

Keeping Oneself Pure

Sixth, John wrote: “He that is begotten of God keepeth himself’ (I John 5:18).

A man who is born again is careful of his own soul. He tries not only to avoid sin but also to avoid everything which may lead to it. He is careful about the company he keeps. He knows that evil communications corrupt the heart and that evil is more catching than good, just as disease is more infectious than health. He is careful about the use of his time; his chief desire is to spend it profitable.

He desires to live like a soldier in an enemy country—to wear his armor continually and to be prepared for temptation. He is diligent to be watchful, humble, prayerful man. What would the apostle say about you? Are you born again?

The Test

These are the six great marks of a born again Christian.

There is a vast difference in the depth and distinctness of these marks in different people. In some they are faint and hardly noticeable. In others they are bold, plain and unmistakable, so anyone may read them. Some of these marks are more visible than others in each individual. Seldom are all equally evident in any one person.

But still, after every allowance, here we find boldly painted six marks of being born of God.

How should we react to these things? We can logically come to only one conclusion—only those who are born again have these six characteristics, and those who do not have these marks are not born again. This seems to be the conclusion to which the apostle intended us to come. Do you have these characteristics? Are you born again?

– J.C. Ryle

19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved.

Matt Chandler

1. making marks that cannot be erased, removed, or the like: indelible ink.
2. that cannot be eliminated, forgotten, changed, or the like: the indelible memories of war; the indelible influence of a great teacher.

I have recently come into possession of some truly remarkable music. The album’s are called “Indelible Grace Music”. Incredibly re-done hymns and original music. The artists that make up these albums are from the likes of Derek Webb, Sandra McCracken, Chelsey Scott, Matthew Smith and so on. I have been so blessed.

“Indelible”, that is what grace is. A mark that cannot be erased. It cannot be eliminated. Forgotten or changed. No matter what. Where did the unBiblical thoughts come from that we could do anything to lose such grace or EVER want to return it?

“…but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” – John 4:14

“And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day.” – John 6:39

“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:28

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.” – John 6:51

“and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” – John 11:26

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” – Phil 1:6

“For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him.” – 1 Thess. 5:9-10

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” – 1 Peter 1:3-5

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” – 1 Peter 5:10

“We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him.” – 1 John 5:18

God is SO clear in His holy scripts that His grace is so beautiful, amazing, astounding, unthinkable, and indelible. I mess up on the daily, but Jesus is oh so faithful and never lets me go. He continues to love and discipline me. He continues to hold me. So after all this I have only one question:

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” – Romans 8:31

Indelible Grace Music – The Love of Christ (feat. Derek Webb)

Sure I say it and preach it and swear by it. But is it a functional reality in my life? Is my soul living on the very reality that without Gods word and His call I would die? What do I mean by this you may ask. Well, for one, do I read the bible everyday as if my very life depended on it? Because it does. WHAT?!!!! Did I just say that?! Yes I did. My very life depends on the very words of God himself. Secondly, am I so distracted and beaten down by sin that I am of no use. Has it taken so much out me that I am left unfruitful in the ministry?

Is all I need Jesus?

Am I content with being a very lazy person? Do I really believe my life is super short? Do I really believe that even if I live to be 100 years old, that my life still would have been but a vapor? Do I realistically realize that I could die tomorrow? Is this a reality to me that I may not be here physically tomorrow? Wow, what a sobering thought. Just think about this possibility. Every moment is a gift of grace from God. I have waken up every morning by the sheer grace of God. WOW. How does my life look like in response to this gift? Does it look like it should? I don’t think it does.

Is all I need Jesus?

All I need IS Jesus. I am so painfully aware of this fact. Why do I say painfully? Because I see how much I have not depended on Him and it hurts me to think that I have slapped Him in the face like this. I am so ashamed. To be so ignorant to the fact that I can do nothing and have NEVER done anything in myself. I am so wretched. I am so jacked up. I am my own disease. But thanks be to God that I am loved and redeemed. I am cared for, forgiven and held tightly. I am loved with such a love that I may never understand or comprehend.

Thank you Jesus that despite, ME, you are still God and never cease to be.

“So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” -Romans 10:17

It’s very often the question Christians immediately ask when election is explained to them: “If God is just going to choose people, why would you waste your time sharing the gospel?”. It’s understandable, especially in the american evangelical landscape. The idea that God isn’t in Heaven worrying that some people might not choose him, is startling. It sounds like you’re uprooting everything the average church teaches, including evangelism.

The truth is: God is allowing us to participate with Him, our loving Father, in His work of saving men. It’s an honor and a privilege… not just a duty.

The Means of Salvation

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.” -Romans 1:16

You see, the gospel isn’t just information. We’re not simply telling someone what Jesus did, and hoping they accept it (although we are doing that). The gospel is very, very special. The words themselves have power. Through the working of the Holy Spirit, the message of Jesus is the power of God that saves men. It is, in fact, the ONLY way that God had ordained men to be saved.

So first of all, don’t misunderstand this: the Biblical teaching of election does not deny the absolute necessity for all men to hear the gospel. No man will be saved unless he calls upon the name of, and trusts in the work of, the Lord Jesus.

“And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” -Acts 4:12

God has not only chosen a people to be saved, but has also chosen the means by which they will be saved, namely through the hearing, and receiving of the gospel. When the elect hear the gospel, the Holy Spirit regenerates their hearts, and they believe.

“And when the Gentiles heard this, they began rejoicing and glorifying the word of the Lord, and as many as were appointed to eternal life believed.” -Acts 13:48

Preaching to the Elect

So how do we know who the elect are? Why would we waste our time with the non-elect? Again, the average Christian already knows the answer, but has just never applied it in the correct context.

In Jesus’ parable of the sower (Luke 8:4-15), Jesus tells of a man that spreads seed all over the ground, on different soils, and only the seed that falls on the good soil grows to fruition. Jesus also explains the parable to His chosen disciples. The seed is the word of God (the gospel) being shared with all kinds of people. Some of the people don’t receive it at all because of the devil. Some get excited about it, then fizzle out as they move on. Others seem like they’re growing, but get choked out by the cares of the world. And finally, those whom Jesus calls the “good soil” receive, believe, and produce fruit.

Now, we see that the sower was not specifically searching out good soil, or being stingy with the seed. So, was he wasting the seed, or was he trusting that it would grow where it should?

This is what the kingdom of God is like. We are to share the gospel with everyone, and we just assume that they are all elect. We know that many will reject the gospel, but those whom God has prepared – the good soil – will receive it. So we preach confidently knowing that God will move on His people, and save them. Our job is to simply be obedient, and know that it isn’t our convincing that saves people.

“So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.” -1 Corinthians 3:7

An Overly Semantic Calvinist?

Ok, so I’m saying that we should preach the gospel to everyone, but only some will believe. Isn’t that what the Christian who denies sovereign election teaches? Aren’t we saying the same thing, but from different perspectives? No. Here is where the theological rubber meets the road.

If you believe that the offer is simply made to all men, but God isn’t working to irresistibly save His chosen people, the catalyst to salvation then lies in your words. You must be convincing, you must be smooth, you must be a better salesman than the Buddhist, and Jehovah’s witness that your audience has heard philosophies from. And anything that isn’t chalked up directly to what the preacher says, is in the hands of the hearer. They must be spiritually sensitive, and innately willing to have faith like a child. When these two human traits (salesmanship and receptiveness) kiss, magic happens… right?

This is the gospel according to the flesh. The gospel of sinner’s prayers and decision cards. No matter how much lip service is offered up to the Holy Spirit working in these situations, He is discredited as unable to make you do anything against your will. Man is the deciding factor.

Worst of all, this kind of philosophy, mixed with a zeal to save lots of people, produces a bad gospel. As anyone who has preached the bloody Christ of scripture quickly learns:

“…the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing…” -1 Corinthians 1:18

When your main task becomes convincing someone to “make a decision for Jesus”, you have no choice but to remove the offense. You need to water down the sin, blood, wrath and Hell of scripture, or remove them completely. That kind of offensive talk has no place in the seeker-friendly gospel. When it’s about your words, and not strictly dependent on the Holy Spirit’s work in the sinner’s heart, the flesh will always compromise the message.

No, my friends, salvation is not a cooperation between lovable men and a lonely God that just wants you to choose Him. Salvation is of the Lord, and the Lord alone!

Necessity is Laid Upon Me

“For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!” -1 Corinthians 9:16

We do not have a quota to meet, we are not doing God a favor, and God does not need us to save His people. He compels us, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to preach His gospel, and save souls. The Saints are not only blessed with forgiveness, adoption, and eternal life, but we also are invited to participate in the work of the Lord Jesus Christ to establish His kingdom and save more men and women from their sins. It’s no easy task, but it is not a burden, as all of the heavy lifting is done by God. All he requires of you is your mouth. If you are His, you will naturally present it as part of your living sacrifice.

“Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season…” -2 Timothy 4:2

Christians, I encourage you to practice your gospel preaching. Be fully prepared to explain God’s holiness, man’s sinfulness, Christ’s perfect life, substitutionary death, and resurrection from the grave. Let the hearer know that through faith in Christ they can be forgiven, and receive eternal life. Don’t water it down. And trust that ‘all who are appointed to eternal life will believe’. Not because of your words, or their obedience, but because of God’s grace, alone.

If there is, indeed, anyone who feels that they don’t need to work for God’s harvest, that is a clear sign that you are not one of God’s workers. And you need the very message you refuse to preach: Repent, and believe.

What God saved me from is amazing. Only he could perform such a miracle. To think that I was in complete rebellion. A prisoner, if you will, to hate and rebellion towards God.

I mean did I literally shake my fist towards the sky to show my contempt for the Almighty? Most assuredly not. It was the fact that I spent my entire child hood all the way up to 19 years of age trying to be “good enough”. Trying to say all the right things and trying my hardest to get right. What a stinkin slap in the face of a thrice holy God. To even think that I could in any way influence His will by my own effort was a downright punch to the gut of the King. I grew up in a protestant church. I knew the term “Faith Alone. Or “Only Faith” or even the phrase “Works don’t save you, faith does.” I knew those sayings and I preached them to many people. But I knew nothing of it. Why? Well for one I believed salvation was a choice or “decision” if you will. And on top of that I knew you could lose your salvation if your not careful. Growing up I thought I lost my salvation literally over 50 times. No lie. Every night I would pray for God to forgive me of my sin and any sins I didn’t realize I committed, just in case. Just in case I forgot a sin, so that if I died that night I wouldn’t go to hell.

All of this is the evidence for my hate for God. He would offer me grace upon grace and I would spit in His face. Why? Because it was too good to be true. Too much charity for me. So I rejected it. Pretty much mocking the bloody sacrifice that Christ made for me. A sacrifice that said emphatically, “YOU CAN NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH. YOUR WICKED AND EVIL AND I HATE YOUR REBELLION AND SIN! But because I love my name so much and I love you, I WILL DO IT FOR YOU! I WILL PAY THE PENALTY THAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO PAY!”

At 19, I realized that Jesus bought my soul. He did it and it was finished. God granted me repentance and I have never been the same since. I can’t even explain how that makes me feel. I want to sing. I want to sing loud to the Lord.

He bought me. Liberated me. Redeemed me. Ransomed me. Forgave me. Clothed me. Chose me. Justified me. Sanctified me. Will glorify me. Has loved me.

And now I love thee. Only because He loved me first.